I found this to be way too funny:
Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million
typewriters, and Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare.
-- Blair Houghton.
Channel 14 of our basic cable has been acting rather strange lately. It is showing the screensaver from a Sony DVD Player. This is not the normal behavior of a cable channel. My first though was that somehow a DVD player in the household was broadcasting through the cable line to our TV. But as we didn't have a Sony DVD player anywhere in the house that possiblity was discarded. Equally unlikely was the possiblity that some other house's DVD player was somehow broadcasting to ours. After some thought my wife and I came up with the solution. After remembering that channel 14 used to be the cable information channel we deduced that the information had been on a looping DVD which for some reason was no longer looping. I am now taking bets on how long it takes someone to notice and fix it. Anyone care to place a bet. so far its been 3 days of screensaver.
"Maybe I can't carry it for you mister Frodo, but I can carry you." - Samwise Gamgee
The secret to good Tree decorating is make em shiny. The more reflective and shiny the ornament the better. This maximizes your tree lights' effectiveness, and makes a nice glowing effect when you squint. I love squinting at my Christmas tree.
So what do the rest of you use when decorating?
SHOULD MY LOVED ONE BE PLACED IN AN ASSISTED COMPUTING FACILITY?
For family members, it is often the most difficult and painful decision
they will face: to accept that a loved one - a parent, a spouse, perhaps
even a sibling - is technologically impaired and should no longer be
allowed to live independently, or come near a computer or electronic
device without direct supervision. The time has come to place that loved
one into the care of an Assisted Computing Facility. But naturally you
have questions. So many questions. We at Silicon Pines want to help.
WHAT EXACTLY IS AN "ASSISTED COMPUTING FACILITY"?
Sometimes referred to as "Homes for the Technologically Infirm",
"Technical Invalid Care Centers," or "Homes for the Technically
Challenged," Assisted Computing Facilities (ACFs) are modeled on assisted
living facilities, and provide a safe, structured residential environment
for those unable to handle even the most common, everyday multi-tasks.
Most fully accredited ACFs, like Silicon Pines, are an oasis of hope and
encouragement that allow residents to lead productive, technologically
relevant lives without the fear and anxiety associated with actually
having to understand or execute the technologies themselves.
WHO SHOULD BE IN AN ACF?
Sadly, technology is advancing at such a dramatic rate that many millions,
of all ages, will never truly be able to understand it, putting an undue
burden on those friends and family members who must explain it to them.
But unless the loved one is suffering from a truly debilitating
affliction, such as Reinstallzheimers, the decision to commit is entirely
personal. You must ask yourself: "How frustrated am I that my
parent/sibling/spouse is unable to open an email attachment?" "How much of
my time should be taken up explaining how RAM is different from hard drive
memory?"
"How many times can I bear to hear my dad say,'Hey, can I replace the
motherboard with a fatherboard? Ha ha ha!'"
To make things easier, we have prepared a list of Warning Signs which we
encourage you to return to often, or, if you can't figure out how to
bookmark it, print out. Also, please take a moment to read "I'm Glad I'm
in Here! - A Resident's Story."
MUST IT BE FAMILY, OR CAN I PLACE ANYONE IN AN ACF?
Several corporations have sought permission to have certain employees, or
at times entire sales departments, committed to ACFs. At present,
however, individuals can be committed only by direct family or
self-internment. The reason is simple: there are not nearly enough ACFs
in the world to accommodate all the technologically challenged. For
example, there are currently only 860,000 beds available in ACFs, but
there are 29 million AOL users.
HOW MUCH WILL IT COST?
ACF rents range from free up to $12,500 per month. The disparity is
currently a point of contention in the ACF industry. Many residents are
covered through government programs such as CompuAid or CompuCare, but
reimbursement rates are low and only cover a portion of the fees.
Exacerbating the situation are the HelpDesk Maintenance Organizations
(HMOs), which often deny coverage, forcing residents to pay out of pocket
or turn to expensive private techcare insurers such as
BlueCache/BlueScreen.
Offsetting the costs are technology companies themselves, many of which
subsidize ACFs. Firms such as Microsoft,Dell, Qualcomm, and America
Online will pay up to 100% of a resident's monthly bill, but there is a
catch. ISPs, for instance, require residents to sign service contracts
lasting a year or more. Microsoft, meanwhile, prohibits the installation
of any competitive software, while Priceline requires that residents buy
shares of it's stock, which seems onerous but saves residents on lavatory
tissue.
HOW OLD MUST I BE TO HAVE SOMEONE COMMITTED?
Until very recently, you had to be 18 or older to legally commit a family
member. However, the now famous British court case Frazier vs. Frazier
and Frazier has cleared the way for minors to commit their parents. In
that case, 15-year-old Bradley Frazier of Leicester had his 37-year-old
parents committed to an ACF in Bournemouth after a judge ruled Ian and
Janet Frazier were a "danger to themselves and the community." According
to court records, Bradley told his parents about the I LoveYou virus and
warned them not to click attachments, then the next day his parents
received an I LoveYou email and clicked on the attachment because, they
explained, "it came from someone we know."
WHAT SHOULD I LOOK FOR IN AN ACF?
First, make sure it's a genuine Assisted Computing Facility, and not an
Assisted Living Facility. To tell the difference, observe the residents.
If they look rather old and tend to openly discuss bowel movements, this
is probably 'assisted living. On the other hand, if they vary in age and
say things like, "I'm supposed to figure that out? I'm not Bill Gates
you know!," this is probably assisted computing. Also, at a well-run ACF,
residents should lead full, independent lives, and should be allowed the
use of many technology devices, including telephones, electric
toothbrushes, and alarm clocks. However, only a facility's Licensed
Techcare Professionals (LTPs) should perform computational or
technological tasks such as installing programs or saving email
attachments.
And LTPs should NEVER answer residents' questions because studies have
shown that answering user questions inevitably makes things worse.
Instead, residents should simply have things done for them, relieving them
of the pressure to "learn" or "improve."
CAN A RESIDENT EVER GET OUT?
No.
OK, THIS SOUNDS PROMISING. HOW CAN I LEARN MORE?
For your enlightenment, we offer extensive information on Silicon Pines
and the ACF lifestyle, which can be found by clicking one of the links in
the navigation bars found at both the top and bottom of this page. But
whatever you decide, keep in mind that due to demand, ACFs now have long
waiting lists. WebTV & AOL users alone will take years to absorb.
We look forward to your response. Thank you.
(hat-tip Busy Mom
