JeremyWall.mine.nu - the screenplay

The on screen dramatization of JeremyWall.mine.nu has just recently been completed. A masterpeice if I do say so myself.

FADE IN.

INT. FLOWER SHOP

WINONA RYDER and JEREMYWALL.MINE.NU are selling flowers.

WINONA RYDER

You know, JEREMYWALL.MINE.NU, sometimes I think I should give up my independent florist ways and settle down with a decent man who will take care of me.

JEREMYWALL.MINE.NU

-- recent supreme court ruling on Gay Marriage is being used in support of Polygamy.

WINONA RYDER nods in thought.

WINONA RYDER

Hmmmm.... I'd never thought of it like that before. Maybe I will keep this flower shop and not fall in love.

Suddenly, RICHARD GERE comes into the shop. He is not impressed with the flowers on offer.

RICHARD GERE

Look here, WINONA RYDER. I am not impressed with the flowers on offer here. Your flower shop is stupid.

He leaves.

WINONA RYDER

How incredibly arrogant that RICHARD GERE is! I don't like him one bit.

JEREMYWALL.MINE.NU

Now I have never been in support of the slippery slope argument for such things.

WINONA RYDER

That's exactly what I was thinking JEREMYWALL.MINE.NU. Come on, let's continue our work as florists.

CUT TO.

INT. DEPARTMENT STORE

ONE WEEK LATER

WINONA RYDER and JEREMYWALL.MINE.NU are shopping for new crockery. A message comes over the loudspeakers.

WINONA RYDER

What did that just say?

JEREMYWALL.MINE.NU

I believe each issue should be examined on it's own merits.

WINONA RYDER

Really? This large department store's management decisions are questionable at best.

She looks up to see RICHARD GERE standing there. He is the manager of the department store.

RICHARD GERE

Hello, WINONA RYDER. Perhaps you could offer me advice on how to run my store.

WINONA RYDER

I don't think so, RICHARD GERE. I took an instant dislike to you when we first met.

JEREMYWALL.MINE.NU

Why in this country is it considered perfectly acceptable to use previous court decisions to prove your case?

WINONA RYDER

Yes, JEREMYWALL.MINE.NU, good point. So you see, RICHARD GERE, we can never fall in love.

RICHARD GERE grins rogueishly.

WINONA RYDER

(swooning)

Oh, RICHARD GERE. I've changed my mind. I do love you.

FADE TO.

INT. WINONA RYDER's BEDROOM.

WINONA RYDER is on the phone to JEREMYWALL.MINE.NU.

WINONA RYDER

Oh... JEREMYWALL.MINE.NU, can it really be only a week since I met RICHARD GERE? I am so very deeply in love with him. Do you know what he said to me last night?

JEREMYWALL.MINE.NU

We need to rely on the opinions of a few people in a black robe with a gavel?

WINONA RYDER

(nodding)

Exactly. (sighs) He's such a romantic.

Her phone beeps.

WINONA RYDER

(continued)

That's him on Call Waiting! Gotta go. Thanks for listening JEREMYWALL.MINE.NU. Wish me luck.

JEREMYWALL.MINE.NU

Personally, I think it's an improvement.

WINONA RYDER

Well, I'm not sure that's particularly lucky...

CUT TO.

INT. A CHINESE RESTAURANT

WINONA RYDER is furiously ranting. JEREMYWALL.MINE.NU is listening intently.

WINONA RYDER

I am so mad at RICHARD GERE. I can't believe he stole all my money and got me kicked out of my apartment and locked in an insane asylum. I thought he loved me.

RICHARD GERE shows up at the table. WINONA RYDER turns away from him. JEREMYWALL.MINE.NU gets up from the table to talk to him.

RICHARD GERE

JEREMYWALL.MINE.NU, this is all a ghastly misunderstanding. I know WINONA RYDER is too mad to talk to me but maybe you can tell me what she's thinking.

JEREMYWALL.MINE.NU

The Politburo just recently posted an article on the Media Left, or Hollywood, in the popular vernacular.

RICHARD GERE

Well, if that's how she feels, I have no choice but to go away forever.

RICHARD GERE leaves

WINONA RYDER

I have a broken heart now. Maybe a fortune cookie will have some advice for me. Please read me a message.

JEREMYWALL.MINE.NU cracks open a fortune cookie.

JEREMYWALL.MINE.NU

(reading)

You see its starting to get cold outside, and I have no gloves.

WINONA RYDER

Hmmmm... that's something to think about.

CUT TO.

EXT. A ROAD

WINONA RYDER and JEREMYWALL.MINE.NU are driving as fast as they can in WINONA RYDER's car.

WINONA RYDER

Oh, why won't this car go any faster? We have to get to the next train station in time to intercept RICHARD GERE before he leaves forever.

She accelerates.

WINONA RYDER

If only I'd got his letter that explained how our breaking up was all just a ghastly misunderstanding sooner. Read me the PS again, JEREMYWALL.MINE.NU

JEREMYWALL.MINE.NU

(reading)

It appears several someones stole the Narrators design and used it on their sites.

WINONA RYDER

I still don't understand what he meant by that.

They drive faater and faster and eventually make it to the train station in time. They rush onto the train and find RICHARD GERE.

WINONA RYDER

Oh, RICHARD GERE please don't go away forever. I got your letter which eplained the ghastly misunderstanding. I now understand why you did what you did. And... I love you.

RICHARD GERE

And I love you, WINONA RYDER

They kiss. They are in love.

JEREMYWALL.MINE.NU

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RICHARD GERE and WINONA RYDER

You said it, JEREMYWALL.MINE.NU. You said it.

THE END

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Posted by jeremy at December 3, 2003 03:22 PM | TrackBack